mom?

No tears?

vickivb — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 12:07:06 +0000

Yesterday, my son and husband dropped me off at the airport and I spent the day traveling alone. I didn’t have to worry about car seats, wrangling a 3 year old who doesn’t understand that you can’t just walk around on a plan. It was nice. I will say it. I sat quietly; I read; I walked around; I ate any food I wanted. (It was nice not having to go some place that has chicken nuggets.) I arrived at my destination and was pleasantly busy. I called home to check in and saw my family enjoying their routine and for a moment was glad that I had broke away for the boredom that can be a toddler’s parent’s day. Here’s the part I didn’t enjoy. My son didn’t want to talk to me. He wanted to play and to be fair I had interrupted play time. I know he’s only 3 and the fact that he is content without me tells me that I have done my job and created a person with well-being. He knows that I will return. On the other hand, I wanted to borrow from his favorite book Mars Needs Moms and say “but I’m your mother.” So it is true, they can live without me. They can survive. I don’t know. It is only the first day. We all know how quickly anything can turn into the Lord of the Flies.

Smarter than we think

vickivb — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 16:57:09 +0000

So, I’m getting ready to take my trip and this weekend, I have been packing and getting ready. Yesterday after his nap, he was so surly that he didn’t even want to skype with his grandmother, which is unusual. She’s his favorite person. He was naughty all afternoon. 3 or 4 time outs didn’t help. Finally as the bedtime approached (I have never looked so forward to bedtime before.), we were reading his books. He was settling in and right in the middle of a Curious George story, he announced “But I will miss you.” I stopped reading. Was he really referring to my trip. He measures time in 2 ways: before nap or after nap. I couldn’t believe that he was really talking about my trip. I asked him why would he miss me. He said because I would be gone a long time. A long time. I guess he was talking about my trip. I was shocked. We spent the rest of his reading time discussing what we could do so he wouldn’t miss me. We would talk on the computer; I could send him packages; he could send his artwork. Then we finally discussed about how I was coming back and that he could pick me up at the airport. It’s funny. We think that they aren’t listening or paying attention. It turns out that they are always paying attention.

The food battle

vickivb — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 17:25:32 +0000

Ah, the ever important food battle. A battle that can get ugly and force an otherwise truthful mother down into the dregs of sneaking spinach in spaghetti. Many moms worry about food and their children. They should. Our children should eat healthy foods. I have chosen not to fight the battle. If my son doesn’t eat dinner, I don’t make him sit at the table or bargain and say eat 3 bites. He just doesn’t eat dinner. He also doesn’t get his bed time snack. He knows this and unfortunately takes after his father and will go hungry. That’s his choice. I just don’t feel like fighting the battle. We all know that raising children is about choosing battles. This is not one battle I am willing to engage in. He knows the consequences and suffers them, sometimes quietly. Most times, not so quietly. I just make sure that he eats healthy food. Most often times, his meals consist of fresh fruit, organic meat or cheese, and organic bread. (Sometimes, even homemade.) I watch how much sugar he gets. Sometimes, we forget that their bellies are only the size of baseballs now. That’s it. That’s tiny. So when he eats 3 strawberries, a slice of cheese, and a glass of milk for dinner. I’m okay with it. As a matter of fact, my son had 3 ounces of a homemade fruit smoothie (he loves using the blender.) and a half of piece of toast for breakfast. And wasn’t hungry until lunch time. If we relax about the food battle and only give them healthy choices, it doesn’t matter if they snack all day because they are eating healthy all day. The most dangerous food in my house is ice cream (without junk and garbage. Thank you Breyers for making ice cream with only 5 ingredients.)

I’m mad

vickivb — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 16:40:29 +0000

My son is in a hitting phase. (Thank goodness the spitting phase is over.) It’s frustrating because he will even sometimes hit his toys or inanimate objects. We are trying to teach him to vocalize his frustrations. These little moments are reminders that children are animals. Actually we’re all animals. There are times I wish I could just lose control- only if for just a tiny moment. It’s only acceptable for adults to lose that kind of control if there is alcohol involved. We’ve told him to say “I’m mad.” or “I’m disappointed.” or ” I really don’t like that.” Sometimes, it works and other times, not so much. He knows he supposed to do it because I will tell him that he losing control. Then, he will look me directly in the eye and say “Fine then. I’m mad. Okay” These moments are excellent reminders for us parents that ultimately we have a bunch of animals in our house. I truly admire those who actually have a pack of animals. Parenting is so complicated that we have to take a wild animal and turn them human— good luck to us all.

Ronald who?

vickivb — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 16:32:10 +0000

So I hear that Ronald McDonald is being phased out. It looks like even Ronald McDonald can’t get a job during these tough economic times. Some people are in a uproar. I am not. I say good riddance. Ronald McDonald once stood for family fun. Now, he stands for crappy food and commercialism. Let’s face it. The food at McDonalds is terrible, and we know it is poisonous. The kids just want that stupid toy that will eventually end up in a landfill. Now only do we poison our bodies, but we also get to poison the Earth. Luckily, my son has not once tasted McDonalds. We don’t even order kid’s meals for him. He hasn’t even realized a toy comes with his food. I wonder how long I will be able to keep that up. Not that we don’t eat fast food sometimes; we do. We prefer Wendys. I just don’t like the lengths that McDonalds goes to to make children loooove them. We now know that Ronald is more famous than any president or even Jesus – thanks the Supersize Me. Fast food places have gotten away with charging us for subpar food for too long. Maybe, we are seeing a shift. So farewell, Ronald.

A house of one’s own

vickivb — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 21:52:18 +0000

Today as I am picking up for the tenth time, I thought to myself why do I do this. Why do I go around and put everything back in its proper place? I’m not a maid. That’s not what I signed up for. As I was putting a certain stuffed animal back into a bedroom, so he wouldn’t be lost. I figured out why I do this to myself. I liked a proper house, and I do not want my house to look like a day care. I like having a grown up’s house. A house that is fit for a family. It is too common today for parents to fill their houses to the brim with kids’ junk. That’s right. I called it junk. We let them invade and take over the house. It becomes their house. A house is for an entire family, not just the children. My son’s stuff stays in his room, and his toys that are in the living room are put away once he’s done with them in an ottoman so that they disappear. I have him pick them up. Once we missed library day because he didn’t feel inclined to pick up said toys. By letting the children’s stuff take over the house, we are sending a message– a terrible message. That their lives, their needs, their wants, their desires override everyone else’s. This is not what I want my son growing up to believe. I want him to believe in community and sharing, not entitlement.

I love the feeling before I go to bed when the house is all put away and everything is tidy. It may only ask for a few moments the next morning, but it is a reminder that this is our house, not his house. Picking up helps me keep my sanity and helps to raise a more self-aware child. If I’m lucky, he want to be neat and tidy too.

To tv or not to tv- that is the question

vickivb — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 17:20:54 +0000

Television. Much like the light bulb, it has ruined us and has helped us. Paradoxically, it makes us stupid and intelligent. Recent studies have come out this year concerning young children and television. Children under the age of 2 are to have no screen time whatsoever. Children under the age of 5, 30 minutes a day. And so on and son. Now I agree with this. I even agree with the side effects. I think screen time for infants does rewire their brains in ways that we can’t imagine. Think of about it. I grew up with very limited television exposure and certainly no television when I was a toddler. I agree that the television does a child bad. My son didn’t have any screen time until he turned 2 and 1/2, and he doesn’t watch television. He watches movies that we choose for him. And we watch them together. We ask him questions about the plot, which characters he likes, moral dilemmas. My big concern is commercials. We all know that children cannot separate fiction from fiction. They can’t tell when the shows stops and the commercials begins. The deceptive practices that the advertising world uses on children are bad enough. His viewing is also limited to certain times and length. He merely has perceived choice.

Now here comes the dilemma, what happens when I don’t feel well, and I have a million things to do. Quite frankly, I can do them faster if he sits down and watches Mega Mind for the millionth time. It’s the undeniable truth. I can accomplish what I need to do in the half the time. I tried once to do the correct thing. I had some minor tasks that needed to be finished and some emails that needed to be sent out. They were time sensitive, and I wasn’t even putting them off. I had him bring out his blocks and sit next to my desk and build me something. I figured this way he could play right next to me which would eliminate the “where are you” that he invariably yells when he feels sufficiently ignored. I asked him to build me the tallest building he could. Brilliant right. No, it became “I can’t put this together,” and “when are you going to be done?” or “I want a drink.’ or ” I didn’t want to build.” Even after that failed experiment, I tried coloring and playing with cars. He even has a table next to my desk which he can use. It has yet to work. However, put in Mega Mind and I have a good 45 minutes before I even hear “Mama, where are you?”

The truth is my son needs his mom to be an effective parent; I need to keep my working gigs and part time job to pay for those blocks and the roof over his head, and the organic food that goes in his belly. These two diametrical truths have made me think the middle is the place to be. I get my work done; he gets to watch sometimes educational movies. I don’t always rely on the television, but until I get rich and don’t have to work at all or can get a nanny, what’s a mom to do?

Nap time

vickivb — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 16:57:52 +0000

Today, I was getting my son ready for his nap. He usually naps around noon, depending on what time he gets up in the morning. He really doesn’t like to naps at home because none of his friends are here and there isn’t any pressure to lay down on their mats. We have a little standoff; he claims his bed is broken; or he isn’t ready to take a nap. Either way he is resistant. Now many mothers may take this as a sign that they are outgrowing nap time. This is not true. Toddlers need to take naps for as long as possible. My son took 2 naps until he 28 months old. He took a morning nap and an afternoon nap. If he missed one, he was a monster. As he approached 2 1/2 years, he was ready for only one nap- but that nap is 2 or 3 hours. When I was breastfeeding in 4 hour shifts, I read Healthy Sleep Habits. The doctor claims that many learning disabilities and maybe even ADHD in some kids are from the lack of sleep. I think, I agree. Children who are well-rested are well-behaved and learn quickly. My husband’s grandmother recently commented on the fact that Casey might be ready to give up naps. I politely said no way, and that naps were important. She gave me her usual “you’re one of those parents” look.

Kids need sleep. After teaching high school for 10 years, I know that most kids don’t get enough sleep, and I know that they learn better when they are well-rested. Nap time is important for everyone. For the toddlers and for the parents. Because of nap time, I get time to myself in the middle of the day and I get work done that I would normally have to wait until night time to do it. Nap time makes everyone happy.

Birthdays

vickivb — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 14:17:37 +0000

My son’s birthday is quickly approaching. This year I won’t be there for it because I am going back to school. When people hear this, they are shocked. Then I tell what we do and then they shocked even further. I would like to point that we don’t remember birthdays. The average person doesn’t really member their early childhood. I sure don’t remember any birthday before 6 and I don’t even remember what I received for presents. If this is true, then why would I waste, (yes I am purposefully using the word waste) money on a birthday that he won’t even remember. Last year for his second birthday, he wanted a doughnut and bacon for breakfast. So that’s what he got. He picked out his own doughnut, and we opened some presents that family had sent him. He then enjoyed his bacon. All in all a good birthday for a 2 year old.

Now that he is turning 3, everyone is expecting a party. They will be sorely disappointed. There will be no party. We will again ask him what he wants a doughnut or cake and what he would like to do for the day. He must be getting smarter because he said he would like to pick up a doughnut on the way to Sea World. I know this sounds like a lot of money for a birthday. It’s actually not. We are Florida residents and have a fun pass to Sea World which allows us to pay for one visit and go the rest of the year for free. The only cost is the gas and food. Yes, I won’t be there to enjoy the day at Sea World, but that’s in another blog. He will spend a fun-filled day with his day and maybe grandparents if they can make it down. A pretty good birthday for a 3 year old.

I was hoping that with the terrible economy and the shift in attitudes toward money, people would stop having crazy, over-the-top birthdays for their kids. I think it has changed a little, but not enough for my tastes. We have to remind ourselves that more is not always better and in most cases it isn’t better. Most of the time, more just makes us fat, lazy, and stupid.

First birthday

vickivb — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 13:54:35 +0000

My son’s first birthday is approaching relatively quickly, and we will be in Michigan with the entire family for it. Now how I do explain to my well-meaning loved ones that I really don’t want to have a big party for his first birthday. I really haven’t even introduced sugar into his diet, so why would give him birthday cake and all that jazz.

I don’t understand the big deal about birthday parties for babies. First of all, they are babies. Sure they like the attention and the noise, but my son is only awake for a few hours at a time. At his “first” christmas, he slept through most of it and when we convinced him to open a present, he had no idea what was going on. I think the first birthday will be much the same. I don’t even think he will be able to handle a party. Personally, I’m looking forward to the later parties when he will actually understand and have fun. I think it will be more trouble than it is worth.

One thing I have done to keep my mother in check about this whole party thing is tell her no presents. I don’t need more plastic toys to fill up my house. He has enough already. I also told her no cake- Everyone else can have cake. My son is not. He hasn’t had much sugar up to this point, and I am going to keep it that way. When I told her those two requests, suddenly the party became very uninteresting for her.

I think we get so caught up in the show of the party that we forget the meaning of the party. When I think back to all of my childhood parties that I can remember- all I remember is the people. That’s it. I don’t even remember the cake. I do remember the ice cream because ice cream is my favorite. I can do without the cake any day. I don’t remember presents; I remember having fun with my friends and family. I want to get back to that. Birthdays shouldn’t be about cake and presents. They should be about being with family.

My son may take serious issue with this as he grows older and more aware, but I plan to have normal birthday parities without gift bags, giant plastic jumping things, or crazy presents. In fact, ideally I would like there to be no presents at all (except from the grandparents and us.) I would absolutely love to raise a son who had a party and no one bought a single present for him, instead they would bring donations to a charity.